Friday, June 30, 2006

One for the money, two for the show...

OK... Here's how I feel. I'm on a rocket. I'm looking at a control panel that had a BUNCH of red lights on it. About a month ago, a light turned green... then another, and another.
In the last two weeks the lights are all turning GREEN... and now it dawns on me. HOLY SHIT They are going to launch this thing!!!!

I'm exausted. I'm working very long hours in preperation for this release. But I'm absolutely ELATED that this is happening. The feel in the air is electric. I've given this project almost a year and a half of my life. I've been personally responsible for a large number of pieces and I'm taking a large measure of pride in this. The cool part is how public this product is going to be. I will tell more when it actually goes live. But sufice it to say, I will be able to experince this tools use first hand for years to come. That feels damn good I have to admit.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Life's little idiosyncracies

An old friend that I haven't talked to in a while and they just had a wedding aborted at the last minute (OK... it was just under a WEEK before the altar date). That's just sad. I have no details, nor do I want any. But I can wholly empathize with her position. I wish her all the best in the weeks and months to come.

Works REALLY tough right now. I'm working minimum of 12 hour days. more like 14 is normal. But it's all going to be over here on Monday. No additional time to write now. But I'm hanging in there.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Long nights drag into long days

I'm begining to question my sanity as to why I'm doing this work. I was up late again yesterday trying to get the last touches in place for this go live in less than one week now.

If this thing doesn't go live this time... I WILL go crazy. Even when I get 8 hours of sleep, I wake up tired as hell. It seems that the combined fatigue of a year of non-stop crunch mode has gotten me to a point where I need a reset of the system.

I am taking a vacation from July 10th to July 14th. I will probably do NOTHING. I will try to do some housework to clean my sanctuary / home. But once that is done, I'm going to meditate and rest. Try to do nothing and relax.

Well, back to the grind. TTYL.

Monday, June 26, 2006

So turns the wheel of the week.

Outlaws lost again to SF on Sat. night. C'est la vie. They played a LOT better this time around, just a few bad breaks and a REALLY wet field. No complaints... but they do need to shore up their D quite a bit.

Went fishing yesterday. Pleasent up in mountains where the cell doesn't work. I checked my e-mail in the morning before heading up and there wasn't a single mail from work that required my attention. So I went totally guilt free. It was pleasent, and totally un-interrupted by fish :) . It was a hair chilly and overcast. So it doesn't feel like I needed sunscreen... I was wrong. The aloe plant has sacrificed another leaf. Ahhhh.

On to work today. The flow of work has started to come my way again. There are a bunch of incoming files that should be here tonight that I need to be ready for. It was GREAT to have the weekend without work.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Another Friday here at last... now if only they meant something.

Looks like another weekend of work. An issue resolution that we had gotten from the client 4 months ago just came back with an "oops, we told you wrong." Less than 2 weeks from release. Isn't life fun. So... no rest for the weary.

The doc looked at my hand yesterday. Said it's a mild to moderate sprain, keep wearing the brace and take some ibuprophen for pain. Not surprised really... but I needed a refil on the paxil, so I thought I'd ask while I was there.

There's an outlaw game on Sat. Even if I have to work, I have no intention of missing it. This will be a fun one since it's a payback game for our only loss.

I'm so tired. I woke up at 3:30 last night and couldn't get back to sleep for a few hours. I hate it when I loose sleep in the middle of the night. Makes the mornining so disjointed.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Once a crew has found out you've gone soft... it's nothing but work, work, work

But it's fun work. I'm actually (as I alluded too in my previous post) back in the groove. I'm happy and motivated about what I'm doing. We're still on target for the 3rd... so life is good. After that, I may actually get on a new project. Or even better... some bench time. I'd love to buckle down and finish my MCDBA like I've planned. I've even got all the study and training materials that I need. Wheeee.

I'm pondering leaving town the week of the 10th. Dunno where I would go. My Dad wants me to come out to St.Louis. But I may decide to just go be alone somewhere. Maybe pick a city at random and use a free Frontier flight to just go. Maybe NY, or San Diego. If I hadn't been so lazy I could go to Canada... but I don't have my passport yet and that would be such a hastle.

Maybe when I see the doc tomorrow (my wrist isn't getting better) I'll go get my passport photo taken at the same time.

Outlaws play this weekend. That'll be a fun one, as we owe SF for our only loss, those bastards. There's also a heads up tournament in the Springs... but I'm not sure how much time I'll have to get down and give it a roll.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

That souldn't hurt like that.

A bit down. Not terribly, but a little bit. Hard to explaine, but it's completely rational. I'll leave the reasons to myself at this time. But it's related to unrequited affection... c'est la vie.

I have come to a big dsesicion though. I've been back on the Paxil for the last 2 and a half weeks. I've come to the conclusion that I need it to function in nornal society. I'm having to admit that I'm a manic deppresive and my moods are crazy wild. I will probably be like this the rest of my life and the Paxil balances me out. It's not that I don't feel good or bad... it's just the swings are much more rational and I can deal with them rather than going into rages, or crushing lows. I hurt my hand during a swing a few weeks ago when I lashed out with a punch (at an inanimate object). I'm probably going to have to see a doc 'cause it's not healing.

I tried to go off the drugs for a while... but I just wasn't able to function properly. It's not that I want to control my emotions, they are wonderful. But without the medication I am dominated by them. A high was the BEST time I've had, and a low would leave me wanting to stay in bed and do nothing but hide. This is not who I want to be. And the meds fix that without too many side effects. (and one REALLY beneficial one... so no complaints)

It's hard to admit that I'm sick. That I have to have this to function. But I think it's an important thing for me. My work is improving again and I'm not crushed by the lost love. Just melancholie over it.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Victory

Well, we had 6 people show up at the home game last night. Each one paid $20 to buy in with the desicion that winner takes all. They allowed re-buys up to a certain point, and 3 people took advantage. I ended up with all the chips to take home $180 on my $20 investment.

Not a bad nights work.

I sucked out once. When I tried to make a move with 83o and the flop came down 993. I bet on the flop, John re-raised me and I know he's a but of a loose player. So I call. Turn comes up a 2. I bet, he re-raises again and stupidly, I make the read that he's on nothing so I push. He calls and turns up AA. I hit the 2 outer on the River to go heads up with a guy with 1/15th of my chips. From there... it was just another chase scene.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Got a game

Well, looks like I've got an invite into a home poker game. I'll be playing tomorrow night. I've already had some trash talking against me that they look forward to taking my money.

I'm REALLY looking forward to crushing them. I know some of the players, I'd rate them fair at best. I'm just going to take my game and try to apply some pressure. It's a trivial buy in, but at least there's something on the line to keep them from being total donkeys.

Life's getting blurry around the edges.

I'm exausted. And it's the middle of the day on Thursday.
Yesterday an e-mail went out that said there are to be no vacations over the go live period. I wasn't planning on any, so this isn't a huge deal. But I DO need to get some time off soon, or I'm going to fall apart. Not sleeping right, not eating right, no time to do anything (and I'm starting to feel like I need to get laid too!! ) . I tried to get home at a decent hour last night. I only worked till 8:30 and headed home. My intention was to get to bed before 9:30.

Ahhh, but the best laid plans of mice and me. The phone rings just before 10... work issues. Tonight I'm turning the mother fucking phone OFF... I don't care who needs to call. If I don't get contiguous sleep I'm going to go crazier in a violent way.

Right now I'm functioning on 3 cups of coffee and a mountain dew (we were out of Crab Juice!).

Monday, June 12, 2006

Bit disapointed in our culture.

As most people should know by know... Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed in Iraq last week. This was definately an evil man. One who had to be eliminated in some way or another. What I am disapointed in, is that the newspapers and media outlets in this country are displaying full page images of al-Zarqawi's corpse.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't a large number of people get upset near the begining of the Iraq war when 4 americans were killed in Faluja and their corpses were hanged and burned on a bridge. Isn't also considered "improper" to show even the flag drapped coffins of American soldiers killed in action in Iraq. Yet, we somehow want to wallow in the fact that this man is dead and plaster images of his corpse all over everywhere. This is ALL facets of our media... including some of my favorite programs, so don't take this as an attack on either side of the political spectrum. Rather pointed squarely at each and every one of us.

The reasons for my distaste are two fold. The first is that it has the potential to truly Martyr al-Zarqawi. Drawing more people to his ideology and activities. Giving the enemies of America (as they are so defined) a rallying point is not a good idea. Secondly, it is disrespectful. Whether you like him or not, al-Zarqawi was a human being. All life is sacred, and to revel in the death of another is the hight of depravity and is abbohrant to me.

Pleased with my play

Well, I got back into town on Saturday. I had played poker until about 2am on Friday night and found myself running through McCarin Int'l airport at 7:45 the next morning.

My play on Friday night was good. I stayed at the 2-4 limit table because I'm rusty and wasn't comfortable moving up in limits.

Anyhow. I made real good desicions most of the night. I ended up breaking even (OK... down $4). I would have turned a profit if I hadn't had a guy catch runner runner to boat up when I had flopped the flush. Then I had another guy hit a 3 outer on me when I was way ahead that cost me even more money. So to break even was a good thing.

The LAX game on Sat night sucked. The guys just didn't look like they showed up at all. There was NO off ball movement and the defense felt asleep at the wheel. I legitimately wondering if some of the guys weren't hung over after the Mammoth championship celebration the previous night. I'm going to blame my friend who moved to Washington... becuase I can.

Anyhow, back to the grind. I've got to get some work done as we are getting ready to go live... WOO HOO!! (still excited if you couldn't tell)

Friday, June 09, 2006

FINALLY

Hey all, sorry I haven't written. I've tried 3 times over the last 3 days and every time... friggin blogspot was down.

Anyhow, I'm in Vegas. Company business. Got to play about an hour and half of poker last night, turned $100 into $176. Best hand was when I came in with a raise with ATs, hit top pair and the nut flush draw on the flop. Then made the flush on the turn when the Kh came up. My opponent had J9h. We stared going at each other and the guy on my left (who didn't flush...AA maybe?) came along for the ride till he ran out of money. pot hit about $120. Hehe..

So, I'm off to get breakfast with my company now. Oh, and one other thing about that. WE HAVE A RELEASE DATE!!! It's looking like the switch will get thrown on July 3rd. I will obviously still be on the project for a while after go live. However, it should be MUCH more calm / mundane. I'm setting the over / under at 15 for the # of kegs at the release party!!!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Wow... now that was a weekend

Started with another "Lacrosse Orgy Saturday" (patent pending). Played a little Defense, worked on my shot... there were only 5 of us.

Got sunburnt... I'm stupid... what can I say. At least I have an aloe plant. Then went to the Outlaws game. Here's what I should have noticed though... I was drinking a ton of water. But not needing to use the restroom. My body was quietly falling behind and not telling me. That is until BOOM, got sick as a dog. If I ate, I got sick. If I drank, it felt like 10 tons and I wanted to throw up. My head would spin and if I stood up to fast I fell over. (not good the way I enjoy my lacrosse games)

After the game, I had to skip the afterparty and get some Gatorade. I ended up drinking a gallon and a half... and only THEN did I need to use the restroom. What can I say... I need to learn to listen to my body.

The game was fantastic. A 24-14 win again, with a strong comeback. It wasn't the same without my friend who moved. I took several pictures after the game of players holding the sign sayins "We Miss you" and sent them to her after the game. I wish I could have heard the sqeal. I miss her. C'est la vie. The funny part was on the back of the sign it said, "It's all your Fault"... lucky for her we won. :)

Had to work Sunday. Suck.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Massive drawbacks to living alone

Well, I've discovered yet another item in the litanty of "things that suck about living alone." When your car breaks... you are boned.
If you have a domestic partner, be it a roomate, a significant other, family of some kind, or illegal aliens that you are harbouring, the loss of a vehicle is an inconvenience. Rides can be arranged and carpools set up so that while your car is out... life goes on.

Yesterday, I was going to an impromptu lacrosse practice when my little car made a bad whine, a pop (complete with puff of smoke) and then went bannanas. Lost power stearing, lost coolant, lost AC, and the car went from average to over 260 degrees in 2 minutes.

There is an obvious belt break (serpentine someone said... I'm awful with cars) , and it took a radiator hose out with it. So, my little car is out of commision. I had it towed to the shop, where they will be looking at it tomorrow. I also had to rent a car. While I had several generous offers from friends for rides, logistically, this is not viable. So when you live alone, you are pretty much on your own when things go wrong.

Granted, there are advantages... the mess that I have to clean up... I know damn well who made it. And if I want to wander around indecent, the cats sure don't care. Everything remains EXACTLY where I left it... and if I forget where that was, it's at least my fault. Sometimes I do get a little lonely, but who doesn't really. It's a little stronger now since I was spending so much time with some friends before they left town over the last part of May. But that's life.

So, I'm now at work... trying to eek out some shred of sanity before I do something stupid. This job is starting to feel "not worth it".

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Taking 10 minutes to write.

I feel pleasent today. Almost human (not that I every ACTUALLY feel like a human... I am a meat popsicle)

I'm taking a vow, I'm going to try to avoid turning on the television for 1 week. The only thing I will watch is the replay of the Outlaws game on Sunday... just for fun. And if I miss it... oh well. I've started finding myself desiring a more creative outlet for my time. Last week I spent some time spell crafting and felt vibrant again. As if I were tapping into a part of me that I had allowed to go dormant.

It's at times like this that I'm drawn toward music. I'm listening to EVERYTHING at the moment. Moulin Rouge, the Nylons, NIN, Buju, Marley, Oakenfold, the Police, Pink Floyd, Moby, Metallica, and Public Enemy have been on the playlist... within the last 48 HOURS!! I'm borderline manic feeling this energy building, I need to channel it to something positive or I'm going to explode. I'm wearing a tie today as a focci to enhance my work abbilities. I let loose with a primal scream yesterday on my way out the door that just felt GREAT. I'm going to play some lacrosse over the weekend... to feed the warrior in me, music feeds the poet, and the sage is CRAVING my reading time. I've already completed 2 of the 4 books I was "getting around too" and just can't stop.

Damn, you know what... life is good.
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Location: Thornton, Colorado, United States

I'm a geek, plain and simple. I used to fence, I play poker when I can, and am learning to play lacrosse. I also work WAY too much.

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